Recent events have forced a bit of discussion with the Feline Overlords, most of which involved my making intelligible sounds in the form of requests, all of which were ignored or drowned out by the sound of insistent purring.

It's very difficult to explain to Fang and his brother, Fang, that chewing should be restricted to clearly-demarcated chewing zones. It is especially difficult to make this clear when Fang and Fang are attempting to soothe your annoyance by both trying to stretch out in your lap at the same time. (The brothers Fang, combined, are very nearly thirty pounds' worth of cat, and it is difficult to work around such…abundance.)

After my nearly three-hour bitchfest with Matthew last week, I left my phone plugged up in the guest bedroom so that it could recharge. It was a few days later before I thought of it again, when I was preparing to run some errands. The phone was fully charged, but the hands-free earpiece was gone.

I dug a bit in the blankets and afghans around the bed, and turned up … most … of the earpiece. The earpiece connected to a wire which, in the normal world, would have ended in a little adapter that plugged into the phone. Mine, however, has been forcibly upgraded to the Fang-Approved™ model, which ends in bitten plastic, severed wire, and a completely missing plug.

Still haven't found the plug.

When I found the earpiece I sat on the bed, laughing, for a moment or two. The guest bed is Fang-the-larger's favorite sleeping spot; despite many, many months of potential training, he seems to be blissfully unaware that if he sleeps there during the day, the midafternoon sunbeams will trap him until sundown.

I showed him the stripped end of the earpiece and said, "Did you eat it, Fang?" Fang purred, gave me a kitty smile, stretched - and was promptly caught by the waiting sunbeam. He was asleep within moments.

As I walked out of the room, Fang-the-smaller rubbed up against my legs, dropping none-too-subtle hints that he would prefer to be fed sooner, rather than later. I showed him the chewed-off wire and received a chirrup and a tail-swish in return.

Fang-the-larger's prior history of chewing, plus his wide cat smile of pure innocence when I brandished the victimized cord, pointed to him as the most likely culprit. Neither Overlord is likely to squeal upon the other. I am fully aware that interFang loyalty comes before loyalty to the large two-legged cats.

It's been more than five minutes since the cord was chewed, so they probably don't remember it anyway. Feline Overlords are blessed with a remarkably short memory: a very, very useful attribute in their lives of petty household crimes. ("But I didn't do that! At least, I think I didn't…I wasn't in here then…was I?")

Guess I need to buy a new earpiece. I'll have to hide this one better. I do not want Mssrs. Fang developing a taste for electronic gadgets. I don't mind replacing a cheap hands-free set, but if the chew tally goes above $30, I suspect I'll have to have another 'chat' with the Overlords.