Your forecast

"Isolated showers around the area will die a slow death overnight as lows fall to the lower 70s with patchy dense fog developing in areas that recieved rainfall. Expect more isolated showers and thunderstorms on Monday again with highs in the low 90 s. Hope for some rain it will cool temperatures off and create a nice breeze. About midweek it looks a tad drier with temperatures slipping into the upper 80s and low 90s."

Weather forecasters can be unbelievably wordy, especially in the Deep South. (All readers who feel the need to point out the similarity between said forecasters and a certain domesticat will be taken out into the back yard and beaten senseless with compound-complex sentences. You've been warned.)

Live down here for any stretch of summertime, and you learn that watching the weather forecast is pointless. Whatever needs saying can be summed up in these two sentences:

It's going to be hot.
It might rain.

"I don't know why they even have weather forecasters down here in the summer," Jeff said to me today while we were driving around town.

"Yeah, really. They could just freeze them cryogenically at the end of spring and then just occasionally thaw them out when the tornadoes come."

Just think—the local TV stations would have even more time to blow on other vastly important stories, such as "Kittens saved by local Boy Scout troop! Film and interviews at eleven!" (It is, after all, disingenuous of me to expect the TV stations around here to actually cover news.)

A quick scan of WAFF's news titles include the following vastly important news bits:

  • Teens Travel to Florida for Religious Retreat
  • Family Blames Teens for House Fire
  • Telemarketer Leaves Elderly Lady Without Medication
  • 48 Road Trip: Ocoee River

WHNT's are just as bad, although they're almost impossible to spot amidst the advertising:

  • Family Battles Cancer And Bad Luck
  • The Dangers of Strangers
  • He's a One Man Statistics Machine
  • Dog Swappin': Are Two Noses Better than One?
  • Cadets Learn About Unity Through Discipline
  • Teachers Getting Taste of Real World

Not surprising: given the importance of these stories, that the weather gets played up a bit. After all, tornadoes munch a few homeowners around here every year.

Actually surprising: that anyone even cares enough to watch.

Of course, it would be rather hard to rake in viewers (and, thus, get the almighty Advertising Dollar) if the entire nightly news show consisted of the following:

Woman: "Good evening, I'm Debbie Dingbat, and this is my co-host, Peter Pomposity. Peter, what's our top news story?"

Peter: "Nothing happened today, Debbie. Some kittens got rescued. The cops report that nothing happened today, but they want you to be vigilant in case something actually does happen someday. Our top story, though, is our newfound patriotism!"

Debbie: "Yes, Peter—we at your Generic Huntsville News Station are pleased to announce that for the foreseeable future, we plan to wave the flag and march in unison at least once during every broadcast. After all, it's only right that we support our troops out in….uh…."

Peter: "Afghanistan, Debbie. They're an awful long way from home, out there."

Debbie: (confused) "Why are our boys out there, again?"

Peter: "Now, let's pop over to David Chickenlittle, our Certified Meteorologist, to find out what the weather's going to be like in the Shoals for the next few days. David?"

David: (in shorts, cleaning his fingernails) "It's going to be hot. Might rain. Back to you, or something."

(Camera cuts back to Peter, who hurriedly puts down his glass of water and straightens his tie.)

Peter: "That's….all?"

David: "Yep. Same damn thing every summer. Can't believe y'all pay me to do this. I could phone this puppy in…it would do wonders for my golf game!"

Peter: "Uh, thank you, David, for that informative forecast. We'll check back in with you at the end of our show to get an update on tomorrow's weather— "

Debbie: "Peter, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I was just handed a news bulletin. We have a breaking news story. There is a litter of kittens stranded in a tree in Ardmore. We expect to have a news crew on the scene in about two minutes…"


Huntsville Defense Spending Benefits Huntsville & Huntsville Benefits the Nation Steve Johnson 7/19/02 The Senate Version of the defense appropriations bill includes billions of dollars for programs in Huntsville and Madison County. And while those numbers won't be final until the Congress passes a bill and the president signs it, it appears Huntsville is keeping pace as a defense leader. Right now more than half the families in Madison County benefit directly or indirectly from space and defense spending. Nearly two billion dollars of the 15 billion in defense spending stays in the community. Nearly a third of the 150-thousand workers in the city and county have defense related jobs. The other side of the coin is the fact that Huntsville provides vital service to the defense of the nation. According to former Redstone Arsenal Commanding General now retired, James Link the nation could not do without Huntsville, "No they would have to duplicate it elsewhere and that would be extremely difficult, because you're talking about human capital. You're talking about what's between the ears of our employess in Huntsville Alabama. You don't find that kind of experience and skill elsewhere in the nation today". Article courtesy of the WHNT website. Pretty important stuff! Thats more than anyone's ever said about Hoppers Crossing!!

It is, after all, disingenuous of me to expect the TV stations around here to actually cover news. That assumes, Amy, that much happens around here. You can't understand just how much fun I had with the newsies last spring when I headed a protest out at the airport ... they were so happy to talk to me that night. :)

Lukas - what amuses me about what you quoted is that ... well... that's pretty obvious to anyone who has lived in Huntsville for more than five minutes. It's kind of like announcing that there's this freeway called I-565 on the south side of town, and that the speed limit is really high, and therefore we should all use it to get to work tomorrow morning. :) Geof -- yeah. Maybe we should stage weekly riots or something. Then the news WOULD be fun to watch.

next post- "Domesticat's Guide to Getting Involved in Your Community- or How to Start a Riot"

Dammit, I'm the one with experience in starting riots. Hell, I got 100+ UAH students to show up to someplace off campus ON A SATURDAY NIGHT! All that, and I didn't get Student Leader of the Year? Ooooh, no, I'm not bitter about that.

I don't think they hand out to Student Leader of the Year to riot starters. Just a hunch, though.

When I'm starting the riot on behalf of funding for the school, they should make an exception.

Amy - I thought as much! You shouldnt have any problem finding adolences for the any future protests/riots, as according to to either WAFF or WNHT (i cant remember ) just go to local petrol station, all the kiddies will be there. Have a happy Armed Forces Week.

Yep, either there or the local grocery store. ;) [Wait, that's Arab and the Piggly Wiggly.]

Loved the entry XD Oh my, I couldn't stop laughing. Sounds like the news here...

Heh. Speaking of film coverage, I get to be in the newest MTU commercial. I was walking across campus (to buy an alumni sticker for my car) and they were filming, and I got to be an extra. Film, at 11. (As in, probably November. :)

Forecast for DC for the rest of the month: Farking hot. Please be prepared to sweat for the rest of the summer. We ask that you not breathe or refuel your cars for the next 30 days. *pant pant*

That's what you get for taking a job in a malarial swamp!