Which word needs a definition?

While we're at it, let's go for two in one day! Yahoo user aces_allnight14, a strong studly specimen hailing from Birmingham, Alabama, appears to be so absolutely desperate to get laid that he's trolling for nethoneys…and found (you guessed it!) me.

Tact, honey. It's about tact. Heard of it? It's that non-negotiable part between meeting a woman and clubbing her over the head for sex. Some people refer to it as "small talk." I like to think of it as an occasionally-useful part of the pre-coital process.

Hmm. Small. Can't imagine why that word came to mind.

Gentle reader, I present this afternoon's entertainment:

aces_allnight14: hey there
*** Auto-response sent to aces_allnight14: I'm somewhere around, but not at the computer.

** This has been a recording **
aces_allnight14: how u doin
me: Fine, thanks.
aces_allnight14: got any pics?
aces_allnight14: where r u?
me: Why, are you trying to hit on me?
aces_allnight14: maybe
aces_allnight14: u a good fuck?
me: I'm rather flabbergasted that you asked the question.
aces_allnight14: why
aces_allnight14: so r u?
aces_allnight14: anymore pics?
me: Why so determined to have them?
aces_allnight14: I dont care
me: …and what DO you care about?
aces_allnight14: sex
aces_allnight14: you have any nudes?
me: None that don't involve tentacles.
aces_allnight14: what u mean?
me: Which word needs a definition?
aces_allnight14: tentacles?
aces_allnight14: u have any nudes of u?
me: I'm guessing tentacles just don't do it for you, then?
aces_allnight14: what do u mean?
aces_allnight14: send me nudes of u if u have any
aces_allnight14: do u have any?
me: Again, for something you don't seem to care about, why do you keep asking?
aces_allnight14: whereabouts r u?
me: Hmm. Looks like Earth…
me: Sorta looks like Alabama, judging by the soil.
me: Why? Looking for an in-person hookup?
aces_allnight14: why, u want to?
aces_allnight14: ???
me: Well, let's think about it. What could *possibly* go wrong with the idea of attempting an in-person hookup with someone who asks if I'm a good fuck within the first fifteen sentences?
me: It's a valid question. You must admit that.
me: Wow. No answer. I'm disappointed.

The temptation of near-constant sex is almost enough to make me pack my stuff right now and head to Birmingham before Jeff gets home. I'd have at least a half-hour head start. I'm thinking aces_allnight14 would get through at least eight or nine wholly unsatisfying rounds in that half-hour…

…but I'd have to live the rest of my life with someone who thinks 'u' is an acceptable English variant of 'you.'

While it's true, the 'Y' and 'O' keys are mean little bitches and probably deserve some censure, I just can't condemn them to a life of uselessness. They'd undoubtedly crawl off my keyboard and haunt me in my sleep. They'd sit on the bed while Aces was trying to get his allnight on, staring balefully at me, wordlessly asking me, "Was it worth it?"

Sort of like Tenzing. Without the purring.


geeze, and the first guy was such a winner... they're just crawling out of the woodwork aren't they? :)

Yes. I've been kinda disappointed lately - I get lots of nibbles, but no one's taken the bait as spectacularly as these two have. The first one happened while I couldn't access cat.net, so I was sitting on the transcript for a while but couldn't post it. When this guy showed up today, it reminded me that I should pull up my logfiles and post it as well... Stupid humans.

I'm just waiting to hear more about the tentacles, personally.

yeah, make with the hot tentacle action, you tease.

If the tentacles ever show up, this site is soooooo out of my aggregator. ;)