All this desperation for a handjob?
I was going to go to bed. Really. I'd just finished up a web-design session with a friend and my eyes were starting to get bleary, and another window popped up. Some usernames just don't bode well on yahoo. "love2lickyoutoo" is one of those.
Not only does this particular transcript speak for itself, I suspect it's one of the more quoteworthy transcripts I've posted in the past year. Judge for yourself.
| Session Start: Thu Apr 01 01:34:24 2004 | ||
| love2lickyoutoo: | Hey ;) | |
| me: | charming nickname you have there, I suppose. | |
| love2lickyoutoo: | I like it also it fits |
|
| love2lickyoutoo: | i find keeping it simple and to the point is the best | |
| me: | …for? | |
| love2lickyoutoo: | my version of KISS for getting what i want of course am i sensing some hostility? |
|
| me: | You might say I question your motives. | |
| love2lickyoutoo: | oh, there is nothing to question i am looking for discrete "fun", simple as that, no strings required |
|
| me: | Ah, I see. But, judging from what you've made available on your profile, it would imply that you're sneaking around. | |
| love2lickyoutoo: | i perfer skulking over sneaking, but 6 of 1 halh a dozen of another is that a bad thing? |
|
| me: | Yep. | |
| love2lickyoutoo: | ah , so a blow job is out of the question? | |
| me: | Wow. I'm so enticed I can barely keep my pants on. | |
| love2lickyoutoo: | i do have that effect on women, a genetic quality so i would take that as you need some selual healing? s |
|
| me: | So, therefore, I'm supposed to equate *my* supposed need for sexual healing with your currently overwhelming need for a wank? By the way, Marvin Gaye's earlier work was far better. |
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| love2lickyoutoo: | pretty much i am ok with that how about u love Marvin (lot more than his dad did btw) btw, wank? unless u just got off the plane from heathrow, wank is a bit euro trash isnt it? |
|
| me: | An interesting way to avoid answering the question I posed. | |
| love2lickyoutoo: | :D again , i try But yes, you do need me |
|
| me: | Oh, really? | |
| love2lickyoutoo: | yep, you need me | |
| me: | …and what, exactly, has led you to this earth-shattering conclusion (about a woman that you've never met, I might add) | |
| love2lickyoutoo: | every woman wants and , oh yes, needs me no matter who she is again, the whole genetic thing comes into play i am getting you very hot, correct? sooooo when can we get together? |
|
| me: | That's odd. I would've expected with your evidently-superior genetics that you'd be able to tell if your words got a woman hot or not. | |
| love2lickyoutoo: | oh i am, i am just easing u in to the understanding of the power that i have over your loins dont want to shock your system too much you know i am considerate as well as the hot burning desire of your womanhood |
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| me: | 'hot burning desire of your womanhood'? That's the best you can come up with? |
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| love2lickyoutoo: | not my best work, for sure, but it works in a pinch at 2am while i sit here and listen to the Mexican national anthiem | |
| me: | I should hope so, because if that was your best, it might be time to learn how to turn those h0t gen3tic sk1llz on your spouse. | |
| love2lickyoutoo: | no learning necessary, the beauty of genetics, no learning curve required, i just sit back while you are drawn to me like a moth to the flame (of desire that is) i am feeling very Fabio/trash novel tonight, "hot burning desire of your womanhood" is a bit Romancing The Stone |
|
| me: | All this desperation for a handjob. | |
| love2lickyoutoo: | no no, a handjob is just the least of your chores, parting your blood engorged petals with my girthy shaft of life is the ultimate goal i need some sleep |
|
| me: | Not to mention a cure for your fevered imagination and overinflated sense of worth to the opposite sex. | |
| love2lickyoutoo: | haha, i do feel a bit warm but that is just the heat coming off your loins for my manhood |
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| me: | Heat coming off my loins, hmm? Will you settle for the screams of laughter from my friends when they read this transcript on my website? | |
| love2lickyoutoo: | sure, i am not too overinflated for that give credit where credit is due |
|
| me: | You'll be the post of the day in, oh, about ten minutes. | |
| *** love2lickyoutoo has been ignored. | ||
Doesn't it just make you want to message him on yahoo just to say hi? C'mon, you know you want to. Your loins just won't let you go another minute without it.
As soon as I stop laughing, I'm off to bed. Oh, and this is NOT an April Fool's joke.
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Comments
GOD this made me laugh.
GOD this made me laugh. I tried to look at his profile, but it's gone. Dangit. I still don't think this is as great as that guy who offered to pay you to laugh at him over the phone, Ames.