All this desperation for a handjob?

I was going to go to bed. Really. I'd just finished up a web-design session with a friend and my eyes were starting to get bleary, and another window popped up. Some usernames just don't bode well on yahoo. "love2lickyoutoo" is one of those.

Not only does this particular transcript speak for itself, I suspect it's one of the more quoteworthy transcripts I've posted in the past year. Judge for yourself.

Session Start: Thu Apr 01 01:34:24 2004
love2lickyoutoo: Hey ;)
me: charming nickname you have there, I suppose.
love2lickyoutoo: I like it
also it fits
love2lickyoutoo: i find keeping it simple and to the point is the best
me: …for?
love2lickyoutoo: my version of KISS
for getting what i want of course
am i sensing some hostility?
me: You might say I question your motives.
love2lickyoutoo: oh, there is nothing to question
i am looking for discrete "fun", simple as that, no strings required
me: Ah, I see. But, judging from what you've made available on your profile, it would imply that you're sneaking around.
love2lickyoutoo: i perfer skulking over sneaking, but 6 of 1 halh a dozen of another
is that a bad thing?
me: Yep.
love2lickyoutoo: ah , so a blow job is out of the question?
me: Wow. I'm so enticed I can barely keep my pants on.
love2lickyoutoo: i do have that effect on women, a genetic quality
so i would take that as you need some selual healing?
me: So, therefore, I'm supposed to equate *my* supposed need for sexual healing with your currently overwhelming need for a wank?

By the way, Marvin Gaye's earlier work was far better.
love2lickyoutoo: pretty much
i am ok with that
how about u
love Marvin (lot more than his dad did btw)
btw, wank?
unless u just got off the plane from heathrow, wank is a bit euro trash isnt it?
me: An interesting way to avoid answering the question I posed.
love2lickyoutoo: :D
again , i try
But yes, you do need me
me: Oh, really?
love2lickyoutoo: yep, you need me
me: …and what, exactly, has led you to this earth-shattering conclusion (about a woman that you've never met, I might add)
love2lickyoutoo: every woman wants and , oh yes, needs me
no matter who she is
again, the whole genetic thing comes into play
i am getting you very hot, correct?
sooooo when can we get together?
me: That's odd. I would've expected with your evidently-superior genetics that you'd be able to tell if your words got a woman hot or not.
love2lickyoutoo: oh i am, i am just easing u in to the understanding of the power that i have over your loins
dont want to shock your system too much you know
i am considerate as well as the hot burning desire of your womanhood
me: 'hot burning desire of your womanhood'?
That's the best you can come up with?
love2lickyoutoo: not my best work, for sure, but it works in a pinch at 2am while i sit here and listen to the Mexican national anthiem
me: I should hope so, because if that was your best, it might be time to learn how to turn those h0t gen3tic sk1llz on your spouse.
love2lickyoutoo: no learning necessary, the beauty of genetics, no learning curve required, i just sit back while you are drawn to me like a moth to the flame (of desire that is)

i am feeling very Fabio/trash novel tonight, "hot burning desire of your womanhood" is a bit Romancing The Stone
me: All this desperation for a handjob.
love2lickyoutoo: no no, a handjob is just the least of your chores, parting your blood engorged petals with my girthy shaft of life is the ultimate goal

i need some sleep
me: Not to mention a cure for your fevered imagination and overinflated sense of worth to the opposite sex.
love2lickyoutoo: haha, i do feel a bit warm
but that is just the heat coming off your loins for my manhood
me: Heat coming off my loins, hmm? Will you settle for the screams of laughter from my friends when they read this transcript on my website?
love2lickyoutoo: sure, i am not too overinflated for that
give credit where credit is due
me: You'll be the post of the day in, oh, about ten minutes.
*** love2lickyoutoo has been ignored.

Doesn't it just make you want to message him on yahoo just to say hi? C'mon, you know you want to. Your loins just won't let you go another minute without it.

As soon as I stop laughing, I'm off to bed. Oh, and this is NOT an April Fool's joke.


Nope...not an April Fools Day joke...I was chatting with her the whole while. You sir...are an idiot. I told her to tell you that she was a 73 year old prison bitch who just liked to roleplay but she was too nice to do it. I am still howling...and damn...has it been a year since the cats took over the house? So...I suppose a blowjob is out of the question?

Yeah, I have a feeling that line (about the blowjob being out of the question) is going to become famous amongst my friends in, oh, about eight hours.

I have a feeling that there are going to endless iterations of it as well. I know I will be doing my part to perpetuate it.

Hey, I've been asking her that for years ;)

Yeah, Brian, your years of requests have been duly noted. :D

I don't know ... my fave was "it works in a pinch at 2am while i sit here and listen to the Mexican national anthiem".

What is the Mexican National Anthem? (Jose, can you see?) And why is he listening to it? Is he a soccer player or something?

GOD this made me laugh. I tried to look at his profile, but it's gone. Dangit. I still don't think this is as great as that guy who offered to pay you to laugh at him over the phone, Ames.

:rofl: @ siliconchef

Looking for that special female that can handle being married and having a little fun on the side.Never tried this before just reaching out to see if there is someone in the zip code area of 91789,90631,91745 thanks for your time let me know. Looking forward to hearing from you.

^^^ Proof that these "special" individuals have a hard time paying attention, and an even harder time actually *reading*. :D

Eeewww...what a creep. Probably some 14-year-old or something...I find most of my online creeps are always minors. Yuck.

I can hardly believe that after all those years there are still people doing that. For what it's worth it made me laugh so hard I nearly fell off my chair, and I am intensely tempted to search my computer for my old messenger programs.

GOD this made me laugh. I tried to look at his profile, but it's gone. Dangit. I still don't think this is as great as that guy who offered to pay you to laugh at him over the phone, Ames.